I was probably around 15-years-old when the self-doubt started to creep in.

I was never the most confident kid. I clung to my parents. I preferred to be at home, comfortable in my own space in familiar surroundings. I was shy and didn’t like talking to strangers.

One time my mom tried to send me off to summer camp for a week. I think I lasted a little more than 24 hours.

I can vividly remember sitting down and chatting with family members when I proclaimed I wanted to be a journalist as a teenager. A loved one immediately perked up. “Amya, a journalist? She’s too shy for that.”

Those words stuck with me for years to come, and they honestly still get to me sometimes today. It’s crazy how our childlike minds can internalize something, and how quickly it can become our reality.

But it wasn’t my reality.

It would take years before I would come to realize that I had turned that lie into a truth in my mind. I would remember it every time a new opportunity would arise, or whenever I was feeling inadequate in my calling. It would take even longer for me to learn how to trust the calling placed on my heart, and how I didn’t have to change a thing about myself to fully step into it.

My church has been going through a series called The Path of Presence, written by our pastor Paul Bergin. It takes you on a journey through mountains and encounters in the Bible to learn how to walk with God more closely and how to be a disciple. One of the topics is authority.

For so long, I simply let life happen to me. I felt like I had no control over my thoughts, my emotions, my fears. But that’s so far from the truth.

I think so often, we internalize things that we were never meant to hold onto. We believe lies about ourselves and they become rooted in our everyday thoughts.

I never had an “aha” moment, realizing that lie was holding me back. It took nearly seven years for me to overcome it.

I was only able to move past it after learning how to discern fact from fiction and to step into the authority I have through Christ.

I think the Lord was teaching me about authority all along, but I truly didn’t understand until last year when I heard this sermon for the first time.

I won’t go into depth about what’s written in the series because I believe you should read it for yourself, but I think this quote pretty much sums it up: “The only power the enemy has in our life is the power that we give him.”

I gave the enemy power to hold those lies over me for so long. The lie that my words held no weight. The lie that my opinions didn’t matter. That I would never be good enough to pursue the dreams and passions the Lord had placed in my heart.

It was only when I drew closer to the author of my story that I fully stepped into the authority that I have through Him.

I’m not going to sit here and pretend it’s not something I still struggle with. It’s a daily battle.

But it’s when I align my thoughts with God that I remember I no longer have to believe the lies of the enemy.